I'm going to the HIllams.........

"Where have you been?"

"At the Hillams."

This was the usual Sunday afternoon ritual, after church, dinner and dishes! (you could always count on dessert at the Hillam's)

Carolyn, Ray and the clan moved in sometime after we came from California. My first significant memory was loading into the back of a crowed car and traveling to Lagoon with Ray, my dad, and all the kids. That was beginning of the our mutual adoption process, that day we became Hillam's and they became Hickman's as if our home became separated by 4 homes on Locust Lane.

Can't even count the number of mornings our breakfast was punctuated by Ray's entrance into the house with the command to my father "Letsgo!" I then dutifully followed their lead down Ash Ave listening to one or more "arguments" about politics, sports, the weather, or whatever came to their minds.

The year of the "Miracle Bowl, my father couldn't take it any longer he grabbed his hat, coat and me in tow for the walk to Ray's. When we got there we sat on the basement stairs moaning about the impending BYU loss. As the tide began to turn for the Y and Glen Redd came up with the winning touch down, I watched Carolyn jump up and punch a hole in the drop ceiling tiles and my father bowed in front of the TV, with arms outstretched with crys of "OH LAVELL"

In later years Ray and Carolyn would sit with us in the ICU waiting room while we listened to the damage dad's heart had taken while playing racquetball with Ray and friends earlier that day. Ray would sit with Dad during the days following the heart attack.

Our entire family has benefited from Rays tireless work at the cabin, one I hope to never see leave the family, Hillam or Hickman!

The Hillam's have left Locust Lane so when Carolyn stopped by while I was making Curry for my mother I imagined that Carolyn had taken the short walk from 4 houses down. I imagined that Ray could walk and talk like the old days, that I would be able to stop and see anyone of the girls or Mark.

We are all grown up now, children of our own, some with grandchildren they all seem to mesh into the Hickman/Hillam clan. Even though Ray and Carolyn have moved I will always look to the west to see who is setting in the picture window of my "other home".

Curry the right way!

A few details......in 3 short acts:



Act I

Stopped for gas, so I didn't have to on the way home and be late picking up Warren and Wyatt for our grandma sleep over.

Phone rings.....



Mom: Where are you?!!


Me: Getting gas


Mom: AGHHHH!! Hurry!!



Act II

Arrive at mom's house, ground beef is already browning (not so subtle message). I start to chop the onions, get out the pressure cooker, put onions in the pot.

Mom: What does the recipe say?


Me: ummmm...brown the onions with the wa.....


Mom: Is that what the recipe says????


Me: (I know this answer just let me think!!!!) Put the onions in with the wa....


Mom: The recipe says to brown the beef, then put the meat in the pressure cooker and THEN, put the onions in the same pan and put the water in with the onions...


Me: Can't you put the onions in the pressu.....


Mom: That's not the way daddy made it!

(There you have it!!! I'm not just up against making my mother's curry recipe I have to do it the way "daddy" did. ( in case you didn't know, its not my daddy its hers).....I never met him and I've got to channel his culinary spirit in order to do this right!!!! Where is a psychic when I need one!!!



Act III

Mom leaves the kitchen, whew!!! I brown the onions, put the spices in, double what is printed in the book. Mom comes back into the kitchen...


Mom: Did you put the salt in?


Me: AAAHHH, what did I do know? Yup


Mom: How much?


Me: 4 Tablespoons, double the recipe.


Mom: Didn't you see me salt the meat? (another loaded question,, or is it rhetorical?)


Me: Yesssss..... I guessss...... I didn't notice how much you put in........is it bad?

Mom: silence

I try to catch Anne's eye, she's fighting with the carpet cleaner, Kendall enters the kitchen....

Me: Kendall wanna go for ride with me for a hotdog and A-1 Sauce?

Kendall: I can go get it for you....

Me SHHHHH!! (quietly) come on honey you can help me carry the hot dogs......

Kendall: OH! Ok, sure come on lets go......(nieces are awesome!)


Post Script:

Carolyn Hillam (our other mother) came by, we laughed about ourselves and a few others, said how it was a sin that they moved out of the neighborhood and then sent Carolyn home with some of my curry for Ray, (I love that man!!!!)

I am a BOOB!!!!

I imagine it all started in the incubator, not sure but a good hunch that my tears came from my X and Y chromosomes!!! I know that my Grandmother Emmett was well endowed with prolific tears ducts because she passed them onto her daughter, Joann, my mother. My father, Martin, hide it well until his heart attack at which time the flood gates opened and he could no longer shed them in silence!!

I have to blame Larry Miller's death for my recent onslaught, "for crying out loud"! I cried when his wife sat next to his empty chair on Saturday's game, I cried with Derron William's gave her the game ball, I cried when Kyle Korver gave her a post game hug, I cried when Larry cried in a video tribute where he expressed his love for Utah. I really let lose when I tried to sing the National Anthem, that definitely came from my dad!!!!

Tonight I cried when Ruth Bader Ginsberg entered congress to hear President Obama speak (by the way, she is two weeks out of surgery for cancer), I cried when the cabinet entered the chambers, I cried when the President entered the chambers, I cried when the solider was honored, I cried for the little girl who wrote a letter to congress asking for help with her school proclaiming "we are not quiters"!!!

Just to be fair I also cried at the commercial where Bob Dylan and Will I AM sing, and at certain times of the month I have been known to cry at a McDonald's commercial.

When my first grandson, Warren, was born I was at Dana's head with the video camera and lets just say that my crying necessitated some creative editing!!! When the second grandson, Wyatt, came along I stayed steady and still cried......

Deb has become so adept at noticing my held back tears that with just one look I can't hold them back and have to explain why I'm crying for instance; Wyatt just said I love you, the sun is shinning, the moon is full, Dana is such a good mother, Christmas lights are so pretty......you get the picture, it doesn't take much!!!


I am a BIG BOOB!!!!! I will keep on crying because my tears remind me that my emotions are better spent then held inside. They remind me how much I love my country, my children, grandchildren, family, and partner.

I guess you could say I cry therefore I am....Whatever that means!!!

"Do you make curry" and other details......

Mom: Melissa, do you make curry?

Me: UMMMM yyeess.....why?

Mom: Well..........Bob and Lucy are coming into town, and the temple is closed for two weeks, and they love curry, and you never know when they will just show up on your doorstep, and when the temple opens.....(I am now officially lost in the details!!)

LATER that evening:

Me: Do you make Curry and what recipe do you use?

Anne: Yes, why?

Me: UMMMM.....Bob and Lucy......the temple closing.....they love curry....etc....and I am not sure what recipe to use....

Anne: Good luck!!! I've got to get ready for my boyscout overnight....I mean Andrew has to get ready for his overnight.....BYE HAHAHA!!!!

The reason for the recipe inquisition is that my mother has put her family curry recipe in print, and its the one I use and it never tastes the same as my mothers. Anne informs me that the printed copy does not contain the same amount spices, AGHHHH! I have been a "failure" at curry and its not my fault!!!!

I will be going down to my ancesteral home ( like that touch) to make curry. I will be making copious notes, sans the details, i.e. the temple closing etc, as my mother gives me the actual recipe!!! Them maybe I will have a fighting chance in the family curry making.

Here are a few of my own details; Grampa Emmett went to Japan on his mission, he came home and tried to duplicate a dish from his mission, Curry, which has become the family dish.

Its genetic, the details, how will anyone get the whole picture if you don't give them all the details?

Happy Birthday "Bootsey"

Today is #5's birthday and Anne is on her way down to Las Vegas to surprise Betsey with gifts from 1,2,3,4 and 6. Betsey is the only sib that lives outside of Utah, just close enough to be far away. Over the years whenever Betsey came to town, life stopped and we played.

The best Betsey visit ever happened the year Dad died. We all were trying to find our Christmas bearings, who would read the Christmas story and help mom light the candles? I had spent a lot of effort trying to talk Betsey into coming home for Christmas to no avail. Betsey and Richard had spent a lot of time before and after the furneral in Provo, they had young kids and traveling around the holidays is not a summer picnic.

On Christmas Eve that year, round dinner time, carolers came to our door and Anne refused to answer the door (she was in on the whole thing). So I went to the door and "what to my wondering eyes did appear......" Yup it was Betsey, Richard et. al. I believe there was screaming, I know there was crying and pure joy at the sight of the whole family standing in front of us!!!

That was the best Betsey visit ever!!!!

In her honor feel free to sing along!!!!

Happy Happy Birthday Betsey dear
Happy days will come to you all year
If I had one wish then it would be
a Happy Happy Birthday to you from me!!!!!

ILYBATWSY!!!!!!

Me

Y Mountain and Anne's diapers

I was "home" on Tuesday, the home of my youth at the foot of Y mountain. I grew up in the Oak Hills area of Provo, close enough that we could walk to our elementary school, Wasatch. My memory is clouded now by time and a loss of essential hormones that allow me to recall my past quickly and in accurate detail (and to actually see this screen without magnifying aids).

I do remember the day that my elementary class, somewhere between 2nd and 6th grade took the long and winding road to the Y on "my" mountain. I remember some of the hike, which from my couch in Salt Lake some 40 odd years later doesn't seem so hard, although I'm sure I could never replicate the event today!!!

What I do remember with such clarity is finally reaching the top, sitting down with Sandra Tippetts, my best friend and following my mother's instructions started searching for my house. I could see the church, Carson's Market, Gene's Texaco, Wasatch, Kiwanis Park, I followed all the roads, up Briar, down Locust, got lost somewhere near Maple, (we had to find Sandra's house too). Finally there she was exactly as she described standing in our front yard waving Anne's white cloth diaper.

Anne's diaper has waved many times in my head over the years pulling me back to my home at the base of Y mountain. On my mission when I thought I would never survive a companionship I looked for the diaper for comfort. When I needed to make difficult decsions about work, moving myself back to Utah I looked for the diaper for direction. When Betsey, Richard, myself, and all the kids made the long road trip back after news of Dads death I looked for the diaper for strength.

Me

Baking bread, finding my mother, finding myself

I've started baking bread again, this time for myself and for those who happen to pass by as they come out of the oven..

I bake for solice, for life, for giving, I bake for myself. I had lost the memory of creating something for myself, something that brings me closer to my mother.....to her guidance, her wisdom, to her love...

I am like my mother, a thought that used to bring fear that I might be exactly like her, cough and all!!! I now know that I could never be my mother, she is much larger than life, larger than I could can ever hope to be. But somewhere deep inside of my genetic code she is there, guiding me through life's travails and helping me see myself clearer.

I bake becasue I learned from my mother to give, to care, to love and yes to cough (she still takes the cake in her cough volume)....