Just spent 24 hours with my mother, while Kathryn was out of town. Had Panda Express with Anne, Allison, mom and myself, we actually sat in our "assigned" childhood seats, interesting how quickly one gets back into swing of our original family spots.
Later that evening as I was helping mom get ready for bed, she starting talking about how she understood what it was like taking care of a parent. Mom had helped out when she could with my dad's mother in her declining years. Her own mother was pretty self-sufficient and needed little direct care, just the attention a mother likes when she gets old. Mom started by saying how much she loved seeing all of us and how she felt "a little selfish" about wanting us to be around. But, that she knew how much she struggled to spend time with Grandmother Hickman, after all "you could take her to lunch, take a drive, talk for awhile and then look for a quick exit". Grandmother's house was a museum so there wasn't much to clean, besides I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted anyone in her "business". I will say that Grandmother Hickman thought my mom was the "bomb", when her own daughters would not heed her pleading to take her home from the hospital, she announced that "wait till Jo Ann comes she will take me home".
I asked mom about her own mother, after all I adored Grandma Emmett and thought surely she would've enjoyed her time there. Mom said that she liked seeing her but that there were the usual annoyances about returning to your childhood home. It was here that I asked for specifics, here is the dialogue, I just can't do it justice in a description format.
Me: Mom, didn't you like going to Grandma's house?
Mom: It was ok.
Me: What didn't you like?
Mom: She would complain about Jackie O
(here is where I turn with a inquisitive look, not sure what to expect)
Me: What do ya mean?
Mom: Oh she thought Jackie O marred that "Greek" for his money, and when Bobby Kennedy died she said "look at her crying and acting so sad".
It was at this point that I realized how similar I was too my mother. I get so busy with work and family that I neglect my mother in ways that I judge rather harshly! I get the urge to call, ignore it and then don't call for weeks, I rely on my niece or sister's to pick up the slack while I work etc...
Really what I learned this weekend is that there is nothing more important than helping my mother leave this world with closure. The other obvious reason is that I would never hear about Grandma Emmett and Jackie O or any other words of wisdom she has to impart like 'make sure you run the disposal until you hear the food go down and make sure there is enough water running".
